It is likely that many times you ask yourself ‘Am I raising my child correctly?’ Most parents have this constant doubt of if they are doing well or not. Being a parent is a very big responsibility and sometimes, this makes us feel pressured. Raising children is a wonderful, rewarding and extremely stressful commitment. Children have the incredible ability to bring out the best and the worst of us in the blink of an eye.
There is not a single parenting style that can fully address the aspirations and fears we have at the time of parenting but many parenting styles, so there is no simple and direct answer to the question you are asking yourself. Actually, the question we should ask ourselves is not ‘Am I raising my child correctly?’ but ‘Am I the adult that I want my child to grow up with?’
Many of us have an immediate answer to that question ‘No’. And this is because we know all our faults and imperfections. We want and aspire much more for our children, we hope that they will grow and be better people than us.
Children do not learn from what we tell them, they learn by seeing what we do. Every minute of every day, we are their example to follow. Albert Einstein said that educating by example is not a way of educating, it’s the only one. Children learn by imitation and the first ones they copy in their actions and attitudes are their parents. Like it or not, we are their role models.
We must be consistent with what we say and do. If our children notice that we lie, that we are not supportive, that we are rude, they will follow our example. Although with words we say and ask them otherwise, they will look at our behavior. So we have to give them an example with our actions and behavior more than with our words and speech. If we want our children to be supportive and sincere, we have to be so too.
On occasions, I have seen parents who when they go on the road and a car overtakes them, insult the other driver without measure. And in sporting events, shouts and insults stand out both towards the referee and those of the opposing team. Remember that your child will stay with the negative behavior you demonstrate, before staying with what you tell him to do or not do.
If your child notices that you are kind and respectful of the people around you, he will be too. The same happens if the child sees that you recycle the trash, if you keep the house in order or the way you treat your partner, among other things. Likewise, it happens with hygiene habits. If the child sees that before you eat, you wash your hands and after eating you wash your teeth, the child will see it as something normal and learn to do it daily. But if he hears you swear, he will learn to see it as something normal too.
Therefore, we recommend that you always transmit values through the example. And that example is your actions. To be an example does not mean to be perfect, it means to represent imperfection, how you manage it and how you get a learning from that imperfection.
To be models for your children is to know how to accept your mistakes, it is to know how to apologize and to focus not on finding guilty ones but on finding solutions. That we are wrong and that the important thing is that we can also learn from mistakes.
It is common to see parents with doubts about whether it is appropriate or not to implement norms and limits in the upbringing of children. It is a subject that has created a lot of controversy since sometimes it tends to confuse parenting with attachment, respectful parenting with free alley and therefore, the lack of rules and limits which has negative consequences in the education and upbringing of children.
It seems that marking a limit means restricting the freedom of the child, killing their creativity or imposing an authoritarian upbringing. However, if you think about it, we live in a society where there are standards and that we comply with day by day to make coexistence with others much easier. We respect the queue in supermarkets, banks, we stop at traffic lights and respect speed limits and traffic signals.
It is common that when parents decide to implement certain rules in their home, they have doubts about how to do it. Here we will see 7 ways to discipline your child to get standards in your home and initiate the little ones in the arduous task of fulfilling their responsibilities with discipline.
1 – Reach a Consensus about Rules and Limits
It is essential that all adults follow the same path in the education of children, have the same goals and feel accompanied and supported in this task.
2 – Involve the Children
They are also part of the family and it is important that they feel integrated in this process. There will be limits that can be flexible or negotiable such as bedtime or getting up may be delayed a little during the weekend.
3 – Make Norms and Chords according to Their Age
The child loves to imitate the adults at this stage, and parents they can use it to introduce him to the tasks. The little ones can help you set the table, and this is something they like a lot and usually they do it with pleasure.
4 – Be Consistent with Your Words & Actions
You are the best example for them. If you want children to acquire certain manners at the table, for example, not watching TV while eating, the logical thing is that you are the first to show that good behavior and not be eating with the phone in hand.
5 – Be Patient, Firm and Affectionate
To acquire a habit, it is necessary to repeat the same activity, in the same way many times. Let them accompany with you always, being firm and kind.
6 – Give the Indications in Positive
It is important to tell the child what to do, rather than emphasizing what wrong he is doing. Instead of saying ‘you always leave the toys lying around’, you can say ‘remember to keep the toys when you finish playing. Another example, ‘if you play now with the console, we will be late for dinner.’ With these statements, you have removed NO and you are giving options.
7 – Accompany the Introduction of New Routines the Children Find Pleasant
If there are some habits that cost you more to adopt, you can try to reward their effort by doing another activity that is more pleasurable. Read a story before the child sleeps, and this will be done after the child brushes teeth and puts on pajamas.