Demonstrating affection to our children is fundamental, so that the day to day life flows normally and when conflicts arise they are resolved in a respectful, fast and simple way. When the children do not feel loved, do not feel important and lose the sense of belonging in the family, they disconnect. If a child has been disconnected and we have a problem or conflict, it is more complicated to get collaboration on their part and reach an understanding. Think how you would feel if you had the feeling that your son, your partner or your parents do not love you, would you like to talk and would you be willing to listen and collaborate?
We believe that we demonstrate everything we feel for our children, but sometimes we forget simple but important things like giving hugs, saying I love you or something that sometimes costs us so much, being by their side when they need us the most, for example, when they have ‘behaved badly’.
It is very clear that we want and adore our children, but we have to let them know. When they are small and have a lack of affection, they usually show it behaving badly, but when they grow, the thing goes further and as they become more autonomous and independent, they go away if they do not have good bonds of love to cling to. When they do not have them, little by little they manage to build a huge wall that costs a lot to tear down. Everything we show them as children will serve as the basis for their adolescent life. That stage in which the smaller the distance that separates us and the greater the connection with them, the easier it will be to accompany them on their way while they stop being children to become adults. All we sow in their childhood will be the bonds of union that will allow us to accompany them at that moment in their lives that although they believe that they do not, they need us so much.
Answer yourself with sincerity, how do you show your children that you love them? When do you do it? At what times do you do it? What examples do you receive from them to know that your affection reach them?
There are times when our children, when they are angry, tell us that ‘I do not love you anymore’ or ‘I hate you.’ Surely it has ever happened to you and it touches your heart because we almost came to believe it. That is why we have to be very constant and reinforce our feelings towards them, so that they can truly feel it. May they never lose confidence in us! It is easier to maintain the confidence than to recover it when it has been lost. To reinforce positive parenting fully, I would suggest you to join online parenting classes held by Amy McCray, the creator of positive parenting solutions program.