The attitude of parents regarding the parenting process of their children are closely related to the way in which they assume their responsibilities, relate to others and welcome the authority in a positive way.
It is true that children need the unconditional love and support of their parents which makes affection an essential part in their development. But often for the sake of the love that is given to the children, they are given more than they need and they are required less than what they can give, paving the way to practice permissive parenting style.
There is a high probability that a rearing of excessive permissiveness or over protection will lead children to develop capricious, selfish attitudes and focus on their personal satisfaction. When children and young people are unclear, the limits tend to have attitudes of immaturity, low tolerance and low resistance to frustration. There is a risk that they will become chaotic people who collide with themselves and their social environment. They will always be exploring how far they can go and what is most likely is that without help they cannot become capable and responsible adults.
Allowing children to always act according to their views makes it hard for them to put themselves in the place of others and will most likely have greater difficulties later to work according to the rules or to face situations that are uncomfortable for them. Maintaining this form of parenting can lead to young people developing aggressive, irresponsible and transgression behaviors in the future. This directly affects different fields of his life, such as his relationship with his family, his friends and his performance at school. In this last aspect, for example, the low capacity to successfully overcome obstacles and the little recognition of obligations with others can make their learning process more difficult.
Parents can allow their children to make decisions and let them experiment in certain circumstances, so that they learn for themselves, based on their own mistakes. However, that is different to satisfying all the whims of children, giving them unlimited options because they want them not to have their same shortcomings or because they believe that they should be happy in everything as a sign of affection. Indulgence and excessive complacency, as well as the permanent change in the rules and sanctions agreed upon, convey the idea that the fulfillment of duties, commitments or the achievement of goals is not very important.
The discipline forms values such as responsibility, self-control and cooperation. Some attitudes contribute to forming children less capricious and more confident of themselves.
- Give children a clear guide to what is right or wrong.
- Clearly explain the rules of coexistence and the reason for the limits imposed. The rules must be few, understandable, reasonable, achievable and sustainable over time.
- Show the child the consequences of his action when he commits a fault. Rather than reinforcing his guilt, it is about helping him to reflect, correct mistakes and perform reparative acts.
- Avoid satisfying all his whims. This helps him understand that sometimes he must wait and postpone his wishes and needs.
- Be consistent with the disciplinary requirements.
- Encourage frank and open conversations in which everyone participates to generate cooperation and commitment.
- Be a good example of those values that you want to promote in your children.
Permissive parenting can take you the kids to out of the limits, instead, you can go for positive parenting, a balanced approach. We recommend you to go through Positive Parenting Solutions review to before you start thinking for adopting positive parenting style.
- Because I say it, period!
- Did you get a 10 on 10 in your test? Well, I did not expect less from you.’
- No, you cannot leave until midnight until you are 18 years old.
- Go to your room, you’re punished!
Do you sound familiar with some of these phrases? Are you to pronounce them when you educate your children? If so, your parenting style is authoritative. Here we tell you some reasons to avoid this extreme parenting style.
How is authoritative parenting style defined?
The authoritarian father is defined as one who, being extremely demanding of his children and offers little willingness to attend to the needs of children. In this way, the authoritative parenting style represents a deeply asymmetric relationship where parents dispose and children obey. It is marked by the importance of rules and regulations of all kinds, which are rarely discussed or explained. Children are expected to be able to adapt to the parental needs and maintain order.
Are there advantages in authoritative parenting style?
Our grandparents and great grandparents have probably been raised with this style, and see nothing peculiar in it. For most contemporary parents, it is a somewhat old-fashioned way of raising children. However, it was possibly easier for those parents to educate obedient and submissive children. Authoritarian parents are very clear in the rules they establish, and children know at all times how to behave and what is expected of them. Routines, something fundamental for authoritative parents, often serve as a guide for children, who feel safe within them. Surely this style helps children to have good manners at the table or to finish their homework always on time.
What are the risks?
The problem is that authoritative parents tend to be inflexible and unsympathetic to their children. They do not give too much importance to dialogue nor do they allow children to question the rules. At the same time, to maintain their image of authority, they are cold and distant with children. They do not usually provide enough demonstrations of affection. As of adolescence, the children of authoritarian parents tend to fall into extremes, either they are submissive and insecure, or they adopt a totally rebellious and questioning attitude. Their self-esteem is usually low and they are accustomed to follow orders, and it is difficult for them to organize and be independent.
How can you moderate an authoritative parenting style?
Of course, when you assume this style, you are not looking to raise unhappy children, but you do it because you have been educated like that or because you consider that future problems are saved. If you feel comfortable in authoritative parenting style, you should not abandon it altogether but make it more flexible. Try to open spaces for dialogue with your children, put yourself a little in their shoes and make them understand the why of some rules. And, of course, reserve moments to express affection, both with words and with physical contact.
This style has more cons than pros. The style we recommend is positive parenting for the reason that it follows a balanced approach. Positive Parenting Solutions is an online parenting program. Before you take a final decision, read this positive parenting solutions review and be the better judge of your parenting style.